Convenient For Who?

I may have mentioned this previously, but oh goodness do I like my new job. My employers are awesome; they’re a husband and wife team, he’s an atheist, she’s a pretty serious Christian, and they’re both hilarious. They appreciate my hard work, and we have similar attitudes when it comes to the job. One thing we’ve nailed down is that the customer is NOT always right. After a short feeling out period, I’ve come to understand exactly what I can and cannot get away with. Long story short, if someone is being rude or inconsiderate, they’re pretty much fair game.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to have a car towed from the parking lot, then to explain the situation to the car’s owner when he returned. “Oh,” the wife/owner said with a note of concern, “I hope you’re prepared to eat some shit for this, people usually aren’t happy when they come back and their cars gone.” I replied with a smile, “No problem, I’ve never been in the habit of eating shit from strangers.”

I couldn’t stop smiling as I told the increasingly irate fellow in the yellow polo shirt (collar popped, of course), “Yes, I had your car towed No, you don’t need my name. Any one of the thirteen signs strategically placed around the parking lot should have been ample warning of the consequences of your actions.” This soon devolved into “No, you DON’T need my fucking name. YOUR problem is not MY problem. I can say with all sincerity I do not give a fuck about your car.” All this as several customers (the business is about 85% “regular” customers; small town, small community, small store) politely but firmly inquired what exactly made this fellow so fucking special that he could just ignore the many posted warnings.

Dogs? That motherfucker better be a service animal (therapy dogs don’t count). We just had these floors buffed, and I don’t need your precious little pooches nails scuffing it up. We’ve got a nice little Puppy Station out front complete with a padded mat and a nice big bowl of ice-cold water. No exceptions.

Complaints about the prices? Tips on how to maximize our profit potential? Where’d you earn your degree, because that certainly looks like a work van you just stepped out of and you’re clothes do not scream financial genius. If you know where to buy that double-deuce Rolling Rock road beer for 50 cents cheaper why the fuck are you shopping here? Thanks, no thanks. I’m sure you do work hard for your money, unlike the owner of this joint, oh right, and me, and you don’t need to be “ripped off like this”. You don’t feed, fuck, or finance me, so you can go on home and cry to your wife, dude.

We’re gracious enough to turn a blind eye as you and your friends crack a couple cold ones at the lunch table out front, and you repay our kindness by tossing beer cans in the corner and throwing your cigarette butts in the lot? I have no problem telling you you resemble a “broke-ass Fred Durst”, and I’d be happy to have one of the many very friendly police officers who frequent the establishment serve you with a trespass order. So pick that shit up and move the fuck on.

Everybody gets what they give. Friendly, courteous customers get a friendly, courteous clerk. Behave like a surly dickhead, and you’re gonna have a bad time.

Ooh, Laundromat

My favorite place! Tonight has been special because the very first washing machine I attempted to use had some gray towels stuffed into a corner of the drum, like someone overlooked them when they were moving their laundry. Since I’ve been feeling so social thanks to my new job, I did the neighborly thing and went around asking if anyone had used that washer and whether they’d noticed they were missing some towels.

The very last person I asked was a well dressed woman reading on a tablet. Without even making eye contact, she completely ignored me. Imagine how satisfying it was (for me) when she discovered the towels she’d forgotten discarded on the not-so-clean laundromat floor. :)

WTF Am I Watching?

Went on a bit of a viewing spree recently, here’s the results:

Going Clear

I read the book a few years ago, and re-read it a few weeks before the documentary came out. Now that all the information is available in an easily digestible viewing format, lots of people seem to want to talk about Scientology. Not me. I talked about it for a while, years ago. Everybody wants to bitch and point fingers, but no one did, or is doing, a fucking thing about it. A crazy, nonsense cult abuses its less notable members and bullied and harassed the government into giving them tax exemption. Write your congressman, start a petition, or just fucking ignore it. It’s a decent documentary if, like me, you’ve tried to tell your friends about the insanity for several years and they just brushed it off.

Fed Up

Never mind about this documentary; everyone just go ahead and continue to poison themselves and sabotage their diets with “healthy” processed foods.


Or: The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance…

Or, if you’re me: Pretension, The Movie.

This won best film? Everyone pat themselves on the back for telling each other how much you enjoyed this mess. The performances were great; Michael Keaton has been one of my favorite actors since The Dream Team (and still gets my vote for best Bruce Wayne ever), and Ed Norton is always good. The story was okay. I didn’t dislike the film, I was just incredibly underwhelmed.


Jake Gyllenhaal is always best when he’s playing a goddamned lunatic. I enjoyed the hell out of this movie.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (oh yeah, there are spoilers)

Existential crises! Everyone is snarky! Lots of action!

My favorite thing about this movie was James Spader as Ultron. Reason being, since The Office, whenever I see James Spader these days my brain automatically pretends that it’s actually Robert California playing the part.

I really enjoyed the first film, warts and all. This one, not so much. It suffers from the same ailment that seems to pervade lots of things these days; the writer has all the subtlety of a fucking hammer to the head. The whole fucking movie is lazy and just seems to have been made to kick off the next round of Marvel films (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; but again, it’s pretty fucking obvious).

Right off the bat…Tony Stark has a remote-controlled robot army of peacekeepers that he just fucking deploys into foreign nations, where The Avengers are wrecking shit (while trying to take down Hydra, granted). No sign or indication whatsoever that this nation, the U.N., or the fucking world in general has any problem with things like this…(This is one of the most glaring problems with this movie for me, it spans the globe, but there’s never any indication that anyone, anywhere has a problem with a team of U.S. based super-terrorists showing up wherever they want and fucking shit up…)

  • Playful scene in the beginning where everyone attempts to lift Mjolnir. Can anyone lift it? Of course not…not until they need to demonstrate to our heroes (and the viewing audience) that The Vision, the android created by Ultron to be his ultimate weapon; who is subsequently stolen and reprogrammed (I guess) by The Avengers; casually picks that motherfucker up and hands it to Thor like, “Hey, ain’t this yours?”
  • The heroes mistrust each other and are at each others throats…for like 5 minutes.
  • Scarlet Witch…exactly what the fuck are her powers?
    • Hex-bolts? Check!
    • Reads people’s thoughts? Check!
    • Causes people to have delusions (even Asgardian thunder gods and uncontrollable, green rage monsters? Hell yes…
    • Ability to actually warp reality? You know, that thing that made her so awesome in the comics? Conspicuously fucking absent…
  • Captain America now has some nifty magnetic stuff on his gauntlets that brings his shield back. You know, just like Thor’s “magickal” ability to recall his hammer. This was like the closest thing Cap had (in the comics, at least) to an actual superpower; the ability to calculate the angles on the fly to ensure his shield would rebound and return to him. Fuck that, it’s too complicated, let’s just give him magnets…
  • Iron Man’s Hulkbuster armor defeats The Hulk…fuck y’all. Has everyone forgotten that “the madder Hulk gets, the stronger he gets”?
  • We meet Hawkeye’s family (and a certain one-eyed, presumed dead spy master makes an appearance)! Specifically so that later on in the film, just as you’re sure that Hawkeye is going to die while saving a child, Quicksilver; who’s been a fucking dick for THE ENTIRE MOVIE (which is cool, Quicksilver is a fucking dick), even after they turn against Ultron; can sacrifice himself to save Hawkeye. Insert heartfelt “awwwws” here. Lazy shit.
  • “Vibranium is the strongest metal on Earth…” I guess adamantium doesn’t exist in this iteration. Also, how the fuck do you go to Wakanda and not have The Black Panther show for even a cameo?
  • Nick Fury is the fucking McGuffin…just as all hope seems lost, and the large Eastern European city full of civilians that Ultron has levitated high above the Earth in his attempt to bring it crashing down and cause an E.L.E., Nick Fury shows up with a “forgotten” helicarrier to assist in evacuating the innocent bystanders…
  • Again, “vibranium is the strongest metal on Earth.” It’s strong enough for Cap’s shield to withstand repeated blows from Mjolnir! Not quite strong enough to protect Ultron’s vibranium body from being fucking wrecked…
  • Banner and The Black Widow…because every movie needs a shoe-horned romantic sub-plot these days, I guess. More lazy writing, a cheap way to justify getting rid of Banner/The Hulk…
  • The Vision has the fucking mind gem (the stone from Loki’s sceptre) stuck in his goddamned forehead. As a comic book fan let me just say, considering they’re ramping up for a two-part Infinity Wars film series, that shit ain’t gonna end well for him…

All in all, I think the movie’s too messy and plays a little too “fast and loose” with the source material to satisfy actual comic book fans. I’m sure it will make a bajillion dollars, and “fans” everywhere will bemoan the fact that Joss Whedon is now done…


Remember…OPINIONS! (ain’t they lovely?)

You’re Stupid, And That’s The Way They Like It

Copyright: Doug Williams

Why are people so goddamned dumb? Seriously, stop and think about it. I’m FROM Baltimore, inner city Baltimore specifically. Why the fuck do you think I spend my life walking on eggshells? It’s because I grew up poor as shit, and the system is designed to keep people in their goddamned place, regardless of the color of your skin. I grew up robbing people, stealing, fucking shit up; then I moved on up. S. is constantly reminding me, “You’re middle-class now, you’re not hood.” Meanwhile, my dad, who grew up in extreme rural poverty, sits in a shitty little efficiency apartment blocks away from a city on fire, working at the age of 74 to pay off a fucking tax debt to the government because nobody bothers to teach poor people about “life skills” like paying your fucking taxes. Why? Because it hasn’t been about institutional racism for fucking decades now, you ignorant, pandering, lip-service paying pieces of shit. It’s about institutional classism. The whole point is to keep poor people poor.

That’s not enough though, you’ve also got to keep everyone so on edge and agitated with “others” that they don’t realize EVERYONE is being fucked. “Oh, that white/straight/gay/cis/choose your own privilege.” “Damned immigrants coming over here and stealing our jobs/land/whatever.” “All black people are lazy criminals, being a straight white male is easy”, fucking et cetera, et cetera. It’s fucking social engineering 101 level shit, it’s basic. The powers-that-be (call them whatever the fuck you want, the 1%, the Illuminati, big business, fucking Reptilians) figured out that they didn’t have to fight the masses, they JUST HAD TO KEEP THE MASSES BROKEN INTO SMALLER MASSES AND FIGHTING EACH OTHER YOU IGNORANT CUNTS. From the very first time a plantation owner handed a slave a whip and told him he was “a special slave, he’s gonna be overseer,” they’ve pretty much been victorious (When I said slave, did you think of a black guy? Congratulations, you’re fucking racist. I pictured a white guy, because it’s easier to convince someone you supposedly “have things in common with”). A slave is a fucking slave. The people in charge know that if the poor (the fucking majority, you assholes) ever get to take a deep breath and look around, some shit’s gonna go down. They CAN’T ALLOW poor people to come together, there’s too many of us, we could force the changes that need to happen. They keep you dumb, they keep you scared, they keep you controlled. The media is complicit, local/state/federal government is complicit, organized religion, the education system; the list goes on and on. You think Ben Carson (or, let’s just be serious here, Barack Obama) gives a fuck about my friends back in Baltimore? Al Sharpton? You really think Martin O’Malley gave a fuck about people like my father? Or me? Don’t be so fucking dumb.

I said it a long time ago, let me repeat it now: THE COPS HAVE ALWAYS (AS IN SINCE FOR-FUCKING-EVER) HARASSED, ABUSED, AND MURDERED POOR PEOPLE. Always…the only reason it seems so prevalent now is because of the way technology has advanced. Anyone, no matter your socio-economic status, can be online, which means we see it more often.

Congratulations, the camel’s back has been broken. Baltimore is just the latest (not the last) in a long line of cities to fall victim to rioting. Where are the ACTUAL voices of reason? I’d like to be one, I’ll give it my best shot:

I know poverty fucking sucks, looting stores and burning cars isn’t going to change that. Sure, you get cool shit that you wouldn’t normally be able to have, but it’s not going to change anything in the long run. Burn liquor stores, they sell poison that helps perpetuate the cycle of poverty that plagues our inner cities. If your pastor drives into church in a brand new Audi every week, while your family  is struggling and often failing to even make ends meet, burn the fucking church too. They’re not helping anyone but themselves. Burn the banks and the government buildings, not the fucking nursing homes and convenience stores. Burn the fucking fast food restaurants, that shit’s killing you too. If you want to be even more pro-active, find the suppliers for the neighborhood drug dealers, the one’s who peddle shit to your friends and family; find him, then burn HIS fucking house down. If your “community leaders” seem more concerned about being on television or lining their pockets than they do about the fucking community, replace them. Demand better public services, more job training, better healthcare. Demand an end to the fucking “war on drugs”, that way non-violent offenders don’t lose years of their lives in fucking prison, only to come out with a record that will haunt them every fucking time they look for work. Wake the fuck up and stop playing “The Man’s” game.

The government spends time pandering to big business and special interest groups, attempting to police people being mean to each other on the internet, passing blatantly fucking retarded laws and amendments designed specifically to cater to certain people; meanwhile, cops murder poor people, children literally starve in the streets of the wealthiest country in the world, the rich keep getting richer, the “comfortable” slowly sink into poverty, and the poor tear each other apart. I fucking hate you all.


  • do drugs
  • watch tv
  • be fat and lazy
  • stay ignorant
  • get what you deserve
  • fuck you



WTF Am I Reading


Hi…you know I love you guys. Maybe love is too strong a word, how about “appreciate”? I appreciate the hell out of y’all. I get a little tired of picking out and laughing at stupid things online. The fact is, I could make this whole blog –several, in fact. I could make several whole blogs– that do nothing but that. The truth is, I just don’t care enough. Everyone else can run around and scream about whichever war (real, imagined, cultural, religious, imagined, etc. This includes things like wars on: women, men, atheists, Christians, Muslims, homosexuals, video games, sci-fi and fantasy) it is they’re currently concerned about, and 99.99999999% of the time it doesn’t actually matter. I know a lot of people think it does, and I respect that; we just think and feel differently. Remember, just because I point something out and commiserate or laugh doesn’t mean I actually give a fuck.

Thanks to what passes ’round these parts as “normal life”, I’ve been a little lax in my duties on the blog. One thing I really do care about is entertainment (mine, specifically), so I’m gonna do a couple posts about things I’ve read/seen recently. Keep in mind, these are just MY opinions, YMMV.

After The People Lights Have Gone Off

If you’re a regular reader, you’ll know that I’ve stated in the past that I pay way more attention to the art than the artist. I vaguely recognized the name Stephen Graham Jones because I read A LOT of horror anthologies. I’m sure I’d recognize other names, but I’d have to see them first. I picked this up on one of my library trips, and seeing the introduction was written by Joe R. Lansdale (one of my favorite authors) gave me high hopes.

First things first, the book is beautiful. Every story has an illustration at the beginning that helps set the mood. From the very first page of the very first story (which I’d read before in some anthology, along with several other stories in this book), I realized that I’m a fan. I’m not going to wax poetic, I’m just going to say that if you’re a fan of horror, you will definitely not be disappointed. I’m planning on buying it, and as much of his other work as I can find.

Burnt Tongues

I was really excited to find this on the shelf. I’ve been wanting to read it for a long time, but didn’t want to commit to an actual purchase. To be honest, I’m glad I waited.

I guess I’d call myself a fan of Chuck Palahniuk. I loved Fight Club before the movie, but I’d say my favorite book by him is Lullaby. I don’t know what I expected from an anthology edited/compiled by him from entries received on his website, but this seems about right. The stories range from “Palahniuk-ish” to “The Palahniuk-iest”. They touch on the usual things that have come to be associated with so-called “transgressive fiction”; drugs, abuse, sex, suicide, violence, etc. The whole thing just came off, to me, a little flat. There were a few that I really enjoyed, but I think this anthology serves best as a lesson. Like some other authors (Lovecraft and Hunter S. Thompson are the two that spring immediately to mind), you can either “write like Chuck”…or you can’t.

Plus, can we get over this whole labeling shit? “Transgressive fiction” makes me think of angsty goth kids scribbling snippets in composition books. How transgressive is it to do a sequel nowadays?

I’d suggest, unless you’re a huge fan (like, Fight Club tattoo level fan), you take a pass on this one. If you want real disturbing fiction, check out Dystopia by Richard Christian Matheson (yeah, that guy’s son).

Prison Of Hope

The latest book in the Hellequin series. Sometimes I don’t need anything but blood and magic, and this guy (I don’t have the book in front of me, and like I said it’s about the art for me) provides that in spades. These books are like the best worst action movie you’ve ever seen. He’s like a James R. Tuck with talent. Well written, well paced, and the story gets more and more intriguing as the series goes on. The Hellequin Series and Sandman Slim are my two guilty pleasures.

Predator One

The newest Joe Ledger novel, written by Jonathan Maberry. There are only a few series that I purchase without question. Dresden Files, the aforementioned Hellequin and Sandman Slim, Monster Hunter International, and Joe Ledger.

If you’re unfamiliar, the series is about the DMS (Department of Military Science) and the adventures they face keeping the world safe from schemes and doomsday plots from various enemies. He’s managed to incorporate zombies, vampires, werewolves; and the science part usually sounds just realistic enough for me to say, “oh yeah…what if?!”

I remember when my friend Phil gave me a copy of Patient Zero, the first Joe Ledger novel. I was blown away; the story, the writing, it was amazing. Later on I discovered that the author had quite literally grown up in the shadow of some of the best sci-fi/fantasy authors in history. It shows.

New Cthulhu 2: More Recent Weird

First Lovecraftian/Cthulhu based anthology I’ve ever had to struggle to finish (full disclosure, I still haven’t). The first one (New Cthulhu: The Recent Weird) was great, I have nothing to say about this one other than; it’s definitely a Lovecraftian/Cthulhu based anthology, one of the stories was pretty good, I guess…


That’s about it for now. There are a few things on my side table that I’m working my way towards, but most of them are re-reads:

  • A Bomb Built In Hell, by Andrew Vachss (I can’t believe this guy’s never been considered to write a Punisher or Daredevil script. He wrote a Batman novel that was awesome.)
  • The Doors Of His Face, The Lamps Of His Mouth, by Roger Zelazny (Team Corwin for life!)
  • Swords & Deviltry, by Fritz Leiber (first chronicles of Fafhrd & The Gray Mouser. Let’s just be honest, this series is going to consume my reading time for a while once I get restarted)

I’m also waiting with bated breath for May 19th. For those of you who don’t know, that’s the day that The Scarlet Gospels, by Clive Barker, is due to be released. A novel featuring both Harry D’Amour and the Cenobites (Team Pinhead!), which takes place mostly in Hell and features The Lament Configuration?! Shut up and take my money you beautiful bastard!


Next up: WTF am I watching, featuring a review of the new Avengers flick…

Easier Than You Think

Over the past week or so, I’ve seen a lot of things online having to do with “fucks”. With all due respect, I think everyone is going about this all wrong. Let’s look at my Sunday, then I’ll explain in a little more detail.


As we were getting gas Sunday afternoon, there was a ruckus in the parking lot; a middle-aged (older than me; beer gut, pick up truck loaded with tools, just your average dude) latino guy was backing out of a parking spot when a black Mustang whipped through the lot in an attempt to back into a pump. Normal, everyday shit; except for how this guy in the Mustang reacted. He laid on his horn for a couple of minutes, then rolled down the window and started screaming bloody murder at this unsuspecting fellow, yelling about ass whippings and similar things, finally ending with “I’ve got a fucking kid in the car!”

The man in the truck handled it remarkably well, just looking at the driver of this other car like he’s a fucking idiot and slowly pulling off shaking his head. Meanwhile, I’m pumping gas, and I am fucking dying. I can’t stop laughing about the whole situation. The Mustang finally makes it to the pump, and the driver gets out. I’m not real hip to the lingo these days; the best word I can think of to describe him is “bro-billy”. I know it’s not nice, but I’m not nice; I never claimed to be, there are several posts on this blog where I state it, “polite, not nice”. This skinny little fellow has lots of ugly tattoos (not jail tats, I’ve seen some beautiful jail tats. These looked more like “hold my beer” tats), he’s wearing a fitted Yankees cap, a wife-beater, those cheap, colorful sunglasses you often see tourists and young girls wear, basketball shorts, and some busted ass sneakers. I can’t swear that Guns ‘N Roses was playing as he opened the door to his ‘Stang, but it was something similar. I found myself unable to look away, and I continue to stare at him with this huge, dumb-ass smile on my face. Gas pumped, S. and I go into the store, grab a few things, then head back to the car, with me alternating between shaking my head and smiling and laughing out loud the entire time.

Once we’re safely ensconced in the car, S. says “Did you hear that guy ask you what the fuck you were smiling about?” Of course I hadn’t; it would have made my Sunday (hell, my April) if I had. Nothing would have made me happier than to laugh in the face of someone behaving that poorly in front of their child, someone with an obviously over-inflated sense of self-worth. She knows I’m not violent (anymore), but I can’t deny that I still love to run my mouth. It’s not often I get such a deserving target.

Regardless, I have no doubt that someday he’s going to mouth off to the wrong person; and instead of them shaking their head, or laughing it off, they’re gonna beat the bitch out of him. If he’s lucky, it’ll be someone like me, someone who won’t knock him down and kick him repeatedly in his stupid little “life cycle of fucking ignorance” head until he has more trouble spelling and/or walking upright than he does now; it’ll be someone who just desperately wants to knock some sense into him.


Here’s where I begin to circle around the point. I tried to explain it to S.; there’s no guarantees if I’d heard the little guy that anything would have happened. First, violence is always the very last resort. That shit hurts. Second, and most relevant to the topic at hand, it’s not that I didn’t/wouldn’t have given a “fuck” if I’d heard him, it’s that the “fuck” I’d have given would have been infinitesimal; so small, in fact, that I could legitimately say “I don’t give a fuck” about that guy. This is nothing new, I don’t give a fuck about lots of things.

Lots of people seem to confuse “not giving a fuck” with “not caring”. These two phrases are not interchangeable. When I say I don’t care about something, that’s pretty much all there is to it. Other than some horrible people from my old days, I’d be hard pressed to name something that I genuinely don’t care about.

Don’t give a fuck? That’s a completely different story. “Don’t give a fuck” is a range. Not caring is a defined point, “not giving a fuck” is a scale that can range from the tiniest of personal things, to the largest of problems. I will not/have not give(n) a fuck for a large number of reasons. World peace? Too big, never gonna happen, don’t give a fuck about it. Would it be nice? Hell yes. Is it likely? Not with the way the economy and global power dynamics work. Bruce Jenner? Didn’t give a fuck about him in the past, will not give a fuck about her in the future. Plight of transgendered people in general? Fuck yes I give a fuck about it, I grew up knowing a lot of trans folk. I’m a firm believer that as long as you’re not causing undue harm to another person/place/thing, people should be able to do whatever the fuck they want. I reject the notion that we all have a limited number of fucks to give, and instead believe we are equipped with a never-ending supply of fucks that come in a variety of sizes. Your mileage may vary, I don’t give a fuck. 

Just take a look at this blog. If you read enough, you can get a pretty clear idea of things I give a fuck about. To this day, I’ve never sat down and planned out a blog post, because I don’t give a fuck about this blog. I’ve written daily for months at a time, and I’ve ignored it for months; I care about it, but I don’t give a fuck about it. Does that make any sense? Do you get it? Here’s a few other, more personal examples:


S. is dealing with a situation at work. She’s one of the leads on a multi-million dollar tech project, and one of the other department heads, day in and day out, does everything he can to derail and fuck up the project like it’s his fucking job.(This whole thing is the inspiration for one of the stories I’m working on, the next part will be up later today/tomorrow) It’s as easy as breathing to him, all he does is not do his job. He literally does not give a fuck about that project. Supervisors and executives have dressed him down and “warned” him, and he’ll straighten out for a few days, but he inevitably goes back to tossing wrenches. This provided S. with all manner of dilemma in the beginning. I tried to explain to her that it was perfectly natural and admirable that she should give a fuck about this situation during work hours, but that she shouldn’t waste her time and peace of mind giving a fuck about it in her off hours.

Then several things happened. The guy threatened to take her, specifically (because she gives ALL the fucks, which means she was the one he most often locked horns with…this time; he has a history of this shit), to Human Resources. The thing is, S. is an amazing employee and she knows it, and she told him, and everyone else assembled, that she’d LOVE to go to Human Resources with him. Then, out of the blue, someone she’s worked with in the past contacted her with an amazing career opportunity. The actual breaking point came when, after a couple of weeks of meetings and bluster and promises, absolutely nothing has changed. What happens? S. ceases to give a fuck. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care, it means what it means, she does not give a fuck. She does her job, as much as she can as well as she can, and doesn’t concern herself with the fact that the project as a whole is going to shit.


We’ll be moving soon. The landlord has put the property up for sale, and we have no idea whether or not whoever buys it will be interested in keeping the tenants. They may just want to tear the whole thing down and start from scratch. She was pretty concerned about this at first, whereas I didn’t give a fuck. For reasons. Like I told her, I’ve been homeless more than the average person. I’ve been homeless as a helpless little kid, and I’ve been homeless as a fucked up, strung out adult. By the time I was 15, I’d been through about 9 evictions with my family. She has a good job, I’ve got an okay job, we are in absolutely no danger of being homeless. We will be mildly inconvenienced for a short time. I don’t give a fuck about mild inconvenience, it’s mildly inconvenient. To quote Carol (TV Carol, comic Carol has been dead for like ever), “These things are not real problems.”


Let’s end this rant with a list, lists are still “hot” right? Here we go:

Things I Give A Fuck About:

  • People, places and things that I care about/am close to
  • People, places and things that are either in or are causing others distress

Things I Do Not Give A Fuck About:

  • literally everything else

Everyone is giving entirely too many fucks in an attempt to prove how many fucks they don’t give, stop trying so hard.



I’m Still Here

Between my new job (which I love; it’s like falling off a bike) and “not for blog publication writing”, I haven’t had a lot of time to waste on here. I still read everybody everyday, I just haven’t been able to sit down and order my thoughts (oxymoron, trust me) enough to bang out a post. Here’s a rundown of things I’ve missed/things that have been on my mind recently:


The other week was the annual Sarasota Film Festival. There seemed to be an unintentional theme of “homelessness”. A few of the films on opening night dealt with the issue, which I find the height of irony considering the city CAN’T deal with the issue. Many well-dressed and well-off people completely avoided looking towards the park across the street from the Sarasota Opera House, where actual homeless people spend parts of their day (and where ALL the benches were removed due to complaints from local condo owners who didn’t like the fact that the homeless sometimes sat on them), as they rushed to see and be seen feigning concern with other well-dressed, well-off people.

After spending over 400K to consult with two different “homelessness experts”, they decided instead to come up with their own “8 point plan”. First order of business, of course, is to hire yet another bureaucrat to act as “Director of Homeless Services” or some such shit. They also passed two new ordinances, the first of which makes it illegal for people to leave unattended belongings on the sidewalk, punishable by a fine and/or incarceration. The second, which obviously they decided not to implement until after the tourist season had ended, makes it a criminal offense for any person/persons to block the “right of way” on the sidewalk, also punishable by fines/incarceration. I can’t help but wonder if this new law will include drunken tourists whooping it up on the corners, and groups of bicyclists and/or dog walkers who tend to congregate and block the path. My gut tells me this law will be enforced mainly by “level of cleanliness/appearance of/lack of wealth”.

Game of Thrones Leak:

I struggled with this for a few days. When we heard about the leak, and the fact that HBO thinks it came from a member of the press who received advance screeners for review purposes, my initial reaction was “fuck ’em, HBO should stop giving out advance screeners.” S. argued that “they kind of have to, because that’s the way it’s done.” Which, in my eyes, is complete and utter bullshit. I could understand if GoT was a brand new, unheard of property, but it’s not. This is the 5th season, for Christ’s sake.

“That’s the way it’s done” is quite possibly the worst argument FOR something like this I’ve ever heard. What’s going to happen if the press doesn’t receive advance copies? They’ll have to –WHAT– watch it when it airs and then write a review? They’ll stop reviewing it? Oh, the horror! Maybe if everyone gave a little less of a shit about critic’s opinions, and paid a little more attention to what they/their friends like, we wouldn’t have so much unmitigated horseshit on the air/in our theaters.


That place sucks; always has, always will. The recent police incident in Baltimore drew a lot of attention, which it should; but it also leads to a question. The people of Ferguson, Missouri have said that they believe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad if the majority black population had adequate representation in the local government, to which I say BALTIMORE. 70% of the population is black, the mayor’s black, police commissioner’s black, lots and lots of smaller local government, black…you get the idea. So, what’s the answer for what went wrong there?

The answer is cops. Cops went wrong; not just in Baltimore, or Ferguson, or Albuquerque; it’s a nation-wide epidemic. I don’t have any solutions, but I do wish that the federal government would take a more active role in finding one. Congress was more up in arms about steroids in fucking baseball than they are about the fact that the police have no compunction when it comes to beating the shit out of/actually murdering the country’s poorest citizens.