Damn White People, You Scary…

This has been on my radar for the past week. I’ve spent days trying to wrap my head around it.

I sincerely wish I could understand what the hell goes through people’s minds in situations like this. I’ve been in A LOT of fights. I’ve had knives pulled on me, and I once used a straight razor to fend off seven guys until police arrived. Never once, in my long history of violence (it’s all in the past, I’m a teddy bear nowadays), did I ever grab/pull a weapon because I was losing a fair fight.

First things first, this guy, the stabber, Steven Walters, is from Long Boat Key. For anyone who’s unfamiliar with this area of The Sunshine State, Long Boat Key usually implies BIG MONEY. There aren’t a lot of poor folk, unless they happen to travel there from Bradenton for work. The theory I shared with S. was this; this guy is accustomed to things going his way, and maybe in this particular situation he realized he bit off more than he could chew. Maybe he got punched so hard he peed a little, and it scared him. That’s still no excuse, fighting is bad enough; panicking while losing, pulling a knife and stabbing someone in the face is inhuman.

I don’t know what the problem is; maybe it’s too much UFC? It seems like Internet Tough Guy Syndrome is spilling out into the real world. Obviously this guy had the motivation, and the ego, he just didn’t have the means. Apparently this isn’t the first time this guy has had a road rage incident. In 2003, he attempted to pull an elderly person from a vehicle. I still don’t know what the other guy looks like, but if “Mr. 50-year-old Long Boat Key white Mercedes driver” thought he could take him, he got surprised. I cannot begin to express how glad I am this sort of thing doesn’t happen to me anymore.

It takes two to tango, that’s what my dad always told me. In my humble opinion, it doesn’t matter who threw the first punch in this case; both guys were arguing, both guys decided to settle their differences by pulling over into the parking lot. Only one guy decided to get all face-stabby. Never, not once, in my long, sordid past, have I ever thought about pulling over to fight someone. This seems like the height of idiocy to me. If somebody showed that much interest in fighting, they should be more than willing to follow me wherever I happen to be going.

We discussed this for a few days, and I shared a couple of my traffic confrontation stories. None of them resulted in fights, probably because in those days I was all-too-evidently eager TO fight. Once, someone tried to cut me off and rear-ended me while I had my (very young) children in the car, then attempted to flee the scene. Once they got caught in traffic, the driver exited their car and began approaching me screaming. When I (not so) calmly explained that endangering my children meant I would indeed lay a woman out, she immediately calmed down and waited for the police to arrive. Another time, I honked at a driver who cut me off (very close call) on the way to a red light. He got out of his car and made the usual peacock motions, but when I stepped out and, again, not so calmly explained “I ain’t from around here, and I will seriously fuck you up if you don’t just get back in your car”, he decided that discretion was the better part of valor.

So, what have we learned from this? I told S., hopefully it will help drive the point home (especially here, where we live) that you can’t judge a book by its cover. When this story broke, the news reports were vague. As we watched, I remember saying, “God, I hope it was two white guys, or two black guys, or that at least the stabber was a white guy. I hope it was a situation where no one can spin it to make race a factor.” Wish granted.

Some people, regardless of race, or socio-economic background, or gender identity, religious affiliation, etc., are just fucking nuts.

Also, texting while driving should be a ticketable offense, not just a secondary offense. The way it is now, the cops can’t stop you for texting while driving, but if they pull you over for something else, they can add that to the ticket. This makes no sense. I’m more worried about someone not watching the road than I am about them not wearing a seat belt, why can they pull you over for one but not the other?


  • people are assholes
  • some assholes pick fights, then stab people
  • don’t be an asshole
  • don’t text and drive
  • i wish you would…
  • all people are scary, not just white people. the title is a joke, get over it


Slacky McSlackerton

Yeah, yeah, it’s been a few days. I get a little tired of tilting at windmills and writing for mediocre prompts. The good news I’m still constantly writing, and now I have lots of blog posts by my favorite bloggers to catch up on. Here’s a quick rundown of what you’ve all been missing out on:


S. and I went to a really popular seafood restaurant for dinner. It was awful. Not awful like “this food is disgusting, I’m going to be sick”, just awful in general. It’s located in beautiful downtown Sarasota, and I won’t be naming it here (however, quick shameless plug for a new joint project coming soon!!). The place is always packed, so we thought by going on a Thursday we’d beat the crowd. No dice. The outdoor tables were full up, so we expected to wait a while before we could be seated. Imagine our surprise when we were informed that indoor seating was readily available. We smiled, thinking we’d found the golden ticket, then were led to a table directly under a VERY LOUD SPEAKER. Upon further reflection, we realized that where we were seated wouldn’t have mattered, because the music was ear-shatteringly loud throughout the restaurant. I expect this if I’m eating in a pub or someplace similar, but not one of the “finest seafood restaurants in Sarasota.”

We started out with apps; S. got an order of oysters rockefeller, and I got shrimp. I love shrimp, and when Outback or someplace similar has one of their infinity shrimp specials, I’m there. S. is allergic, so more for me. I don’t know if this is a Florida thing or not, but my shrimp came ice-cold. I don’t mean cold like they sat around a minute before being brought to the table, I mean intentionally cold. What the fuck is this shit? There are plenty of grocery stores in my area where I could go buy a half-pound of cold, pre-cooked, seasoned shrimp for a lot less than we paid. The oysters were decent.

For main dishes, we both went simple, she ordered an oyster po’boy, and I ordered a soft crab BLT. I worked in a crab shack for several years, so I was really looking forward to this sandwich. My crab was maybe four inches long. The bacon was floppy (ewww, fuck floppy bacon), the whole thing was unseasoned, and I’ll be goddamned if there was even a little Old Bay on the “Old Bay Fries.”

“Well,” I yelled across the small table, “this is disappointing. How’s your po’boy?”

“It would probably be good, but they fried the oysters ’til they’re like little brown bullets. They’re kind of sharp and tasteless.”

In short, I don’t know who the fuck this place is fooling into giving them their money on a regular basis. We discussed it, and determined it must just be a tourist trap.


I don’t recall too much of Friday, other than that we hit the sweet spot when we went to the farm market where we buy vegetables. I’ve written about the place before, so I was thrilled when we pulled into the lot and there were only 7-8 cars. We took our time, leisurely strolling around the store, inspecting produce and carefully considering every purchase.

In the car, we had an interesting conversation about Green Lantern power rings. (For some odd reason these sorts of conversations happen a lot when I’m around, I have no idea why) Here’s one of the very first sentences from the Wikipedia entry for “Power ring“:

No hard upper limit to the power ring’s capabilities has yet been demonstrated; it is often referred to as “the most powerful weapon in the universe.”

This is why I quit reading Green Lantern (but holy shit do I read ANYTHING with Sinestro!) The ring is only bounded by the willpower of its bearer. Think about that…Here’s how our conversation went:

“You got all these dickheads running around making giant boxing gloves and swords and shit, not one of them has ever stopped to think about it. Imagine what I could do with a ring like that. ‘Yo ring, AIDS sucks, make a cure for AIDS.’ It should be that fucking simple.” (Sorry, I cuss A LOT.)

“Yeah, but science hasn’t figured it out yet, maybe in the DCU they haven’t yet either.”

“See, that’s why I think they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing with these books. It’s all in the description ‘The ring is only bounded by the willpower of its bearer‘. I don’t need a cure. I REALLY dislike AIDS, I REALLY want AIDS gone. The power of the ring, combined with my willpower, should be enough to just…make…AIDS…gone. They need to knock off this nebulous shit and just put a limit, or not.”

“Wow, you really think about this stuff.”



Woke up and prepared a batch of breakfast muffins for the week (recipe available upon request). Been slacking at the gym recently, so we went and did the damn thing. We rewarded ourselves with delicious (unhealthy) bagel breakfast sandwiches at the best breakfast place in Sarasota. We spent the rest of the day sitting around enjoying doing nothing, congratulating each other for our weight loss and better health in general. I jotted down a few story ideas, did some raiding, and watched the new Hercules movie starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, which I enjoyed the ever-lovin’ shit out of. It’s an interesting take on the old stories, and it’s based on a comic book series. If you enjoy turning your brain off and watching some wanton family friendly violence, I highly recommend it!


S. did a lot of studying. She’s planning on taking the GMAT, so she can pursue an MBA. She’s really passionate about what she does for a living, which is refreshing. I prefer to NOT use my brain for work. I need to keep all my useless trivia and song lyrics somewhere. I’m not kidding, I remember phone numbers of grade school friends. My mind is like a steel trap of useless knowledge. Don’t get me wrong, there are useful things in there, but it takes some digging.

Now you’re all caught up, and I feel better about neglecting my blog for four long days. I’ve been working on Dog Days, and another idea I had which I’ve given the working title Scoundrel, along with various other odds and ends. I’m going to go write (more), I’ll read a little later.

Curmudgeon–October ’14

Old habits die hard, but anything will die if you shoot it (or stab it, or beat it, hold it under water, etc…) enough. Friends long unseen remind you why it’s been so long since you’ve seen them. A chance encounter serves to illustrate that violence is never the answer, but threats of violence may do wonders for your peace of mind. Exciting new opportunities await, and may be found by examining past endeavors. Those kids, and dogs, will stay off your lawn.




The Curmudgeon


Curmudgeons are very defensive, solitary creatures. Similar to the sign Cancer, they tend to be introverted and empathetic. They are born seemingly already exhausted by the mundane bullshit that generally accompanies everyday life. This can often seem attitudinal, which is what led to the name.

The curmudgeon can most often be identified by it’s desire to be at home, in the dark, usually reading. Outdoors, they can be recognized by their silence and resting bitch face. When encountered in the wild, they should be approached with caution. Although not prone to violence, curmudgeons have been known to be rather venomous.

If you’re lucky enough to befriend a curmudgeon, you can rest assured knowing that they would do anything for you. Need help studying? They gotcha. Gotta drive cross-country by yourself? No, ya don’t. Need to hide a body? I’ll They’ll bring the shovels.


Mini-Post (Or, All This Sucks)

I’m brain-dead. No offense to anyone who’s actually brain-dead, don’t get your panties in a bunch. Or boxers, whatever. Been slacking on the blog, but I’ve been writing. No material I feel like writing about to post today, so in the spirit of Tempest, here’s a little list:

  • LUCYLucy, the movie, sucked. I was going to do one of my movie reviews for it, but honestly I disliked it so much I didn’t have the heart. (WARNING: May be spoilers for garbage) First of all, if someone who I barely know/hooked up with on a whim snaps a briefcase to my wrist with a set of handcuffs, I’m like “free briefcase, fuckity bye.” Secondly, why in the blue hell would “Lucy” kill several random people, but when she confronts “stereotypical mobster number one”, the guy who caused the whole mess, she just stabs him in the hands? Even after she has the info she wants, she’s just like *HAND-STAB* “toodles”…WTF. This movie also firmly cemented the thought in my head that Scarlett JoHannsen (probably misspelled, don’t care) is the lady equivalent of Keanu Reeves; very limited range of facial expressions, one voice. Shit actors, the both of them. They’re just like really pretty, but empty, cups. It’s even funnier if I think a little deeper, because this steaming pile is basically The Matrix in the “real world” with a girl Neo…
  • CONSTANTINE: This one probably WILL get its own post sometime in the near future. For now, it just hurts too much, you know? A while ago I did a post about this comic book The Authority. That’s my favorite comic book, but Hellblazer (the comic that Constantine is based on) comes in a close second. Forget the movie (starring, surprisingly, Keanu “WHOA” Reeves)…That fucking television show…Hellblazer was a comic with VERY MATURE THEMES. It annoys me that once the character gains popularity, everyone’s first reaction is “Oh, better neuter the fuck out of this and make it family friendly”. No wonder Alan Moore washed his weird, wizardly hands of the comic book industry. The whole time I was watching (sort of watching) I kept asking S., “Has he smoked yet? Have they even shown a cigarette?” It may seem like a small thing, but it IS an integral part of the character. Thank the GOOD LORD we live in ‘Merica, where you can see 15 different versions of Law & Order, all dealing with horrible, often violent, crimes, but the networks protect us from the dangers of smoking…CUNTS. This supernatural lite bullshit is offensive. This is just going to lead to more arguments. (Stopping here so I can give Constantine the post he deserves. Here’s a preview)
Just so ya know, this pic isn't something I looked up, it's on my computer, because I'm a fan...

Just so ya know, this pic isn’t something I looked up, it’s on my computer, because I’m a fan…


I’m just going to stop there, if I keep listing things that suck I’ll be here all day. On the bright side, I had a really nice weekend.